Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
