Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
