she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
