guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
