I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize