Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
