i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
