if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
