Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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