If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
