She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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