Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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