I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
