Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You left your underwear on the fireplace
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
