Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
