Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize