i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
