somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
