you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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