the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
