I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
