Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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