Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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