Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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