btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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