dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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