It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
