something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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