fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
