and she was petting her beer can
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
