we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
