He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
