the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
