Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
