I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
