So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize