apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
