And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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