I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
