Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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