Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
