My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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