i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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