his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
