Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
