Ketchup is God's man juice
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
