I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize