he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
