Operation Purity has been aborted
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
