Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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