all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
