How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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