i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
