Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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