C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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