guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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