he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
