Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
