She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
