You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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