You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
do nipples grow back?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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