Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize