Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
