I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
