this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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