your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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