he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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