She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
