i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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