..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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