Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
