you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You pole danced in your parka.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
