Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize