I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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