It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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