it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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