i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
