Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize