If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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