next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
