ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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