he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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