What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
