Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
