I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
