I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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