i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
