Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
