My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize