Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
