i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I cannot find my penis.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize