I didn't shave. On purpose
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize