My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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