I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
