I think im going to throw up on grandma
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
