i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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