I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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