There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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