There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
