I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
