My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Never joke about your clitoris.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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