Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
