he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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