grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
