is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
