Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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