dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
