smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
