No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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