she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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