my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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