he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize