please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
