How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
