Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
