i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
