South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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