She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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