I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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