Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
