Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
