none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
