I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
