kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
