when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and she was petting her beer can
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
