WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
