White coat. Heels.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
