I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
