I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
