Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
