I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize