Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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